Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Houston, we have a blender
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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