I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
