Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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