I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
