Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
