I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
