Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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