omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
