After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We talked him into tasing himself.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
