omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
we're so committed to being not committed
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
