my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
