he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
