I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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