how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
and she was petting her beer can
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
