I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
