he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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