when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
