Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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