Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
