...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
