i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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