thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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