I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
