somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
