your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
