Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
