Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
