I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
