why didn't you poke me back
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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