Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
