Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
