No more Irish car bombs ever.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
do nipples grow back?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
