matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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