he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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