dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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