I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
