Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
