Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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