Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
