is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
