How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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