Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
