My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
