addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She's the barista slut.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
