I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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