I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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