I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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