just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
