I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
this is an emotional support booty call
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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