You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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