i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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