I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
