Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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