Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I think your dad took our porno
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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