well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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