I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
